If I had actually fallen

If I had actually fallen, I probably would have landed myself in the hospital with all sorts of broken bones, bruises and scratches. Boy oh boy did I fall off the wagon this weekend! I'm super ashamed to admit yet I know it's the only way I'll move past it and hopefully get the support I need.

2 Dairy Queen runs

1 bag of M&M's

a chocolate cake (no I didn't eat the whole thing but I didn't have to make it!)

pepperoni pizza

Wendy's.

I have purchased everything I need to go back to Phase 1, Induction, with dinner tonight. I refuse to be beaten by this, I'm getting back on my feet. Luckily I did keep up with some exercise over the weekend. I played a little Wii sports and then cleaned the playroom. I have 3 bags off to Goodwill, it's all vacuumed and dusted and organized into bins. Whew :)

Weigh-in is going to have to wait. I'm not stepping on the scale when I'm so depressed about an awful weekend. Some might say I have the potential to be surprised, however I don't have the human support to pick me up if it is bad. I feel really alone in this. I wonder if everyone just assumes I'll fail so they don't want to get involved. Or maybe I'm too self absorbed in it, people don't want to talk to me about it anymore. I don't know. I just think I'm a friend repellent.

Despite the gloomy friend outlook I'm still determined to not let this weight beat me. I've had a weekend off and now I'm back on board with a vengeance. GO ME!

Thank you UPS man

My regular UPS driver just dropped off a package and asked me if I'd been losing weight. Why yes, yes UPS man I have been! :) I like that guy

I'm also really liking my TheraShoes I purchased last week. I'm no longer sore like I was when first wearing them, but I can still feel them working. I'm not sure I should workout in them however. The off balance could be beneficial but I don't want to hurt myself either.

The Wii Active 30 Day Challenge workout last night was kick ass. I'm pretty sure I lunged, squatted and high kicked my derriere off. That's good, that huge thing needs to go. After that I was feeling quite pumped so did some basketball moves, more boxing and some dance moves. I think my total clock time was an hour & a half.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention - my dedication victory. Last night I was at my mom's for dinner. She made spaghetti. I didn't hide the fact that I wasn't going to eat the noodles. Usually I'm ashamed to admit I'm trying to lose weight so just eat smaller portions of whatever good & fattening thing she's made (she's a fantastic cook but doesn't pay attention to healthy ingredients). It was a little awkward denying the helping of noodles and just eating the meat sauce. I also don't think she believed in me, that I could shed this weight. I really don't blame her. I've been on/off diets so many times over the past 6 years. However this time is different. This time I feel confident. Totally aware of my surroundings, the choices I'm making and the progress I'm achieving. This time is also FUN. I'm having a great time during my workouts. I'm enjoying the food I'm eating. I feel satisfied, I have mastered my cravings.

Thanks for the boost of confidence today UPS man :)

Feeling good

I have decided that my official weigh in day should be Sunday. With my new scale at home I find myself constantly getting on to check the number. Since discovering that I started out heavier than I thought I've shed those 3 pounds and an additional one. :) I'm officially back in the 180's!

I didn't get in all the workouts I'd wanted to over the weekend. I achieved two out of the three. On the third day I was cleaning like a madwoman so maybe that counts for something.

My only cheat off plan over the weekend was iced tea two days in a row.

Today I'm wearing a pair of capri pants that were given to me as a hand-me-down from someone else I know that has lost a lot of weight. When I first received them I couldn't zip them so I'm thrilled to be wearing them today. They fit perfectly. Hopefully I'll only need to wear them a couple more times before handing them on to someone else after I've lost my weight.

It helps

It really helped me to blog yesterday. After I got that all off my chest I was able to refocus and get on with it. A huge plus for me was that instead of grabbing for comfort food while feeling down I stayed clear of a binge and took myself shopping. I invested a little in myself and bought TheraShoes. They are the ones with the curved soles like FitFlops that help tone your legs as you walk. I felt a difference immediately. So far I'm really impressed with them.

Blogging and investing in myself also had the added benefit of getting me to stay on plan all day. It felt so good to eat healthy, stay within my carb range and eat some really great tasting food. My new favorite is a lettuce wrap. I lay a bunch of leaves crisscrossing and put chicken, grated parmesan, cucumber slices and green peppers in the middle and then roll it all together to make a wrap. I also found a great low sugar, low carb organic dressing that I put in there to spruce it up a bit.

My biggest score from yesterday was my measurements. I had previously measured myself two weeks ago. I'm happy to report that my belly is down 2 inches and my hips are down 3 inches. I forgot to look at my previous measurement for my upper waist, but I'm sure that's gone down too since the new number was quite small. These measurement numbers make me wonder if my original weight when starting Atkins was actually higher than I thought. Weighing in on a broken scale for so long probably made it really skewed. I do have some "official" numbers from the doctors office a while back so at least I have something to compare my future losses against.

Staying the course

It seems that lately I'm *almost* perfect when it comes to staying on task. Perfection is not a requirement, however each imperfection (while small in itself) compounds upon the next which results in something major. In "not sweating the small stuff" it seems to me that I'm creating a problem. Yesterday it was the soft shell taco. The ingredients IN the taco were all on plan and healthy however since I'm trying to do Atkins the shell was off limits. Yet I convinced myself that one small shell won't matter. But it does matter if that means I went over my carb limit for the day. The previous evening was the same story. One small handful of Whole Grain Wheat Thins was OK... right?? NO LIZ!! They were not OK. And quite honestly not even that great tasting. Going off plan causes me stomach discomfort. I get headaches it seems from too many carbs. It's physically not fun to cheat on myself. So why did I do it?

This imperfection is seeping into my workouts too. One day I'm having so much fun at it that I'm active for at least an hour if not two hours. I burn, I'm a little sore, I feel happy. The next day I'm pumped to do another workout all day long. When I finally get the opportunity I don't do it. WHY? As I blogged previously one night it just didn't occur to me to do it until I had a prompt. That doesn't make any sense, especially since I'd probably been looking forward to it earlier the same day. Last night was very similar except I made the conscious decision not to do it even though I'd made a big deal about doing it while still at work. I'd convinced myself I was too tired and deserved a rest day. But a rest day from what? I hadn't done it the previous day and I know that it would have given me energy if I'd actually done it. How can I break this cycle?

Yesterday I bought myself a new scale. Ours hasn't worked properly in a long while. I got a nicer one that shows BMI, body fat %, water composition and bone density. How it knows all those things is beyond me, but it should be interesting to follow along as the numbers change. I'm still resolute that they will change despite my whining in the above paragraphs. The new gadget also told me that I am 3 pounds heavier than I'd thought. Although maybe those 3 pounds are my vacation and cheats catching up to me.

Help along the way

Yesterday I needed help to stay focused and thankfully I received it.

The first instance was the beginning of a binge-fest. We still had leftover dessert that I had for the kids from Sunday and it was making it's way into my mouth. It was quite mindless. Without even thinking about what I was doing I was snacking on the chocolate covered bread while making dinner. I was halfway through my first piece when my husband came into the kitchen. He gently reminded me that I probably didn't want to be eating the carb loaded dessert. I immediately got rid of it. That would have easily turned into a very regrettable situation. Thank you sweetie!!

My next save came from the help of the website 3 Fat Chicks. I post there about my weight loss journey, it's a terrific support group. Dinner was over, my kids were playing, my husband had gone rock climbing so I was surfing the internet - facebook, my mommy board and then I arrived at 3 Fat Chicks. While reading the trials and successes of the people there it occurred to me that it was quite stupid to be reading about weightloss while sitting on my duff not having done my evening workout. So I logged off the computer and started up my Wii Active. I completed the 30 Day Challenge workout for the day which focused on lunges, squats, and my derriere, then continued onto some tennis and finished strong with boxing. My arms and butt are a little sore today but I'm grateful for the inspiration that 3 Fat Chicks provided!

Back from vacation

Overall I'm quite pleased. Usually I gain with all the inactivity and extra good food that vacation brings. However this time I stuck to my meal plan and actually did a couple of workouts. I didn't shed any weight but thankfully I didn't gain any either.

So to get it over with I will confess my "bads" :

• I ate a non-Atkins plan ice cream sundae, size small
• I drank. A lot. The alcohol it's self was low/no carb but I was still in induction phase so shouldn't have had any.
• We did stop at McDonalds but I'm not changing my ticker because I was good and got an Atkins friendly salad :)
• Yesterday I ate chicken fingers for lunch and pizza for dinner. Whoa was my stomach upset last night! And TMI - I'm super gassy today. It wasn't worth it and I won't be making that mistake again anytime soon.

The rest of the week I stuck to my Atkins menu. I even cooked other food items for my family & friends but didn't even feel tempted to partake.

I did bring my Wii but only did it twice. Honestly I'm OK with twice... usually I bring/intend to workout while on vacation only to take naps instead. The lake swimming doesn't count as exercise because it was so shallow. All I could really do is float & let the kids climb on me. There was a slight hike to get to the beach from our cabin, but after the first few days we decided that the mosquitoes were too bad in the woods so we drove.

I feel good, relaxed and love my tan. :)

On track

After my slight hiccup (one scoop of ice cream) I'm back on track. I did not have the ice cream last night, and it's now out of my house. Staying on plan feels easy again. And I'm doing killer workouts with my Wii Active. I've gotten another 2 hour trophy :)

The Wii is coming on vacation with me. I don't want to stray and our cabin has a TV. I'm sure I'll be getting in extra calorie burns with all the swimming & walking we'll be doing.

Previously to starting Atkins I had been avoiding red meat. I'd eat it occasionally, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. But now it's a regular part of my weekly Atkins menu. I'd like to dig a little deeper and come up with other options to get it off my plate again. It just doesn't feel healthy when my body is weighed down by it. I'm also realizing I'm relying too heavily on cheese. I do only stick to the 4 ounces recommended however it's another thing that doesn't have to grace my plate quite so often.

My new found food love is green pepper slices. Mmm! They are great for a quick grab snack and I just love the snap crunch. I also throw in some cucumber slices and I've got a great mid-morning snack at my desk. Today my co-workers and I ordered food from a local deli for breakfast. I love that they had a protein omelet on their menu! It was so easy to stay on plan. And then I ordered a cobb salad for my lunch. It was great that I didn't even bat an eye at any of the other menu options. I knew the types of foods I should seek and got what I wanted.

Dealing with some cravings

Whoa lordy am I dealing with some PMS issues! I am crabby although not quite as tired as I usually am - it must be because I've been more active. However the food cravings are kicking my ass. Yesterday at lunch I held on; the office order sandwiches and I ate mine carb-free, discarding the bread. I stuck with the green pepper slices I had brought from home instead of succumbing to the chips & cookies.

But alas last night I did partake of a small scoop of ice cream. I didn't feel overly guilty, it was small and I did NOT go for seconds, thirds or finish the pint. I did an extra long workout to mentally justify my treat.

Today I'm really battling the cravings. I want Wendy's so badly. It's screaming my name. Thankfully I have zero dollars on me. Not one cent and no way to access some, my dear sweet husband has our card and not anywhere near a bank. Normally that would piss me off but today I'm glad - he's helping without even knowing. I will be sticking to my pre-arranged lunch by default.

My real battle will be tonight. I need to serve my kids the rest of the ice cream and not eat any more myself. Then it will be out of the house and I will feel better.

I need to stop pretending I am a victim. Only I can save myself. And I am worth saving.

Too easy?

This is too easy... I seem to be doing it right however. I am staying on plan with no problems. Even when confronted with a buffet over the weekend. I selected items I knew were OK for Atkins and steered clear of all the rich & breaded items. I am shocking myself. There is no need for sweets, cakes, candy, cookies... nothing. I am not even feeling a twinge for chocolate. On past diets and "lifestyle changes" I've freaked out & binged by now. Why is this one working so smoothly?? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm certainly not going to wait around for the shoe to drop. No way! I'm going to strong, I LIKE what I'm eating.

I wear a lot of shirts over tank tops because most of my shirts don't button over my belly. Many haven't for a couple of years. This morning I put on my usual and for whatever crazy reason I decided to try the buttons. No problem. NO PROBLEM!! This shirt is damn cute. I'm so happy to be wearing it like a normal person again. Saturday I also had a "wtf" moment when I decided to pull out a tank top labeled Medium. Yeah, it's a large medium but I still haven't worn it for ages & ages. I actually felt good and confident in it! I wore it in public to the golf outing.

Yesterday I got a Wii Active trophy for being active for over 2 hours in one day. GO ME! I was just having so much fun I kept trying new activities. I did all the tennis, all volleyball, all the dancing, the custom workout I created a couple of days ago and the 30 Day Challenge workout. I feel good n'used today :)